我这次果然矢败了

i was a loser

but i will not continue being one

i will not give up

i want to see the light that will lead me to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow

i will find back the lamer who is full of drive and determination

i promise i will, yes i will.



看来, 我永远也不会忘记这四个字... 哈哈.

experiencing a multitude of emotions yet words just aint enough to jusify them

ask u a cliche question, if ur parents and ur best fren are in danger, who would u save first?

harder one, between ur mom and dad?

of cos we are all greedy, we hope to save all and i would rather die if i fail to do so

what if one day ur mom/dad says they dun love u anymore in a feat of anger?

what if one day the fren whom u care so much for say in a feat of anger tt they are willing to give up ur frenship one day?

in-a-feat-of-anger? (justifiable?)

tell me what would u do?

when that last bubble of hope went pop life lost one of its meanings
when all meanings all lost, thats when our lives will be.





** i sound like i m writing my last suicide entry.. lol.. of cos not just some food for thought.. enough of food for stomach **

sucks u know what feeling i am experiencing now?

i dun feel like going to work tmr at all

how sia

i dun even feel like working liao

i realize i dun really like this after all

its a real headache to think of what damn clothes to wear

and its really not helping that the shopping trips are spent solely on food

sucks

anger...........

tell u sth unbelievable.. i think i walked for 10km today..

under the hot sun with my trail slippers i think my leg is giving way now

i feel so wobbly

i think i am crazy

i walked from my hse to bedok camp and back

from 1415-1650.. lol madness i really have nth better to do



u know u are losing sanity when u do such weird things.haha.

-enough said-

soooooo tired today! BUT first, i love my job!! wahahaha..

guess what! i jus feel so diff walking into that high rise building of what is called the millenia tower with the rushing morning crowd, really got the shenton way dream job feel wor.

must treasure this, cos i doubt i will have a chance in the future if i choose to pursue a career in the field of chemistry :(

i am working in accounts department, a department which is especially separated from the rest and we are all working diligently behind this wall of frosted doors if u get what i mean. first time working in an mnc, really a stark contrast compared to so singaporean style humming house and family oriented epak. [i still love epak loads though :) ] really got lots of ang mohs and all the really pro ppl dressed in really smart attires, wow very cool~

ok, guess what ? i got the most fantastic seat in the accounts department. i am seating in an isolated corner where no one can see my computer screen and behind me lies this magnificent and beautiful ferris wheel! really good scenary!! i m loving it! know why i got such a gd seat? becos i m seating in a manager's seat where the manager in the picture has been sacked, sadly. apparently she is highly unwelcomed and everyone detests her and must have felt it was gd riddance and of cos they embrace this young, promising new manager of cos...!! wahahaha no offence to the manager who was sacked, but everyone really has no gd comments for her

its really really fun to work in such environment man. :) n the most kick thing is the temp employee pass (even though got no photo) i just find it very kick to tap on it each time i enter the different doors in the company even the toilet door also need to tap first lol

working with my sis also very fun hahaha she would call my extension n ka jiao me and btw did i mention when i call my sis my name will appear on the caller id??? oh man! i think its so damn cool!

ok la i think i m very lame n very childish but its fun to be childish like this once in a while.

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saddest thing today is that i cannot find anything exciting to buy home during shopping. how disappointing. not a single crap. sighz. and i m dying each day i am thinking of what to wear tml and the heels that i m wearing to work are making my poor feet die.

i should have photoshopped qian's stomach away ! lol! too bad my trial photoshop expired liao waiting for benjo to lend me!!!!!!

btw..! this is my all-time favourite lengendary BANZ! from parkway!

LOVIN' it! waiting to eat this someday. i miss it soooo much.

yay~

got a job! working with my san jie at millenia tower, coooool ma? hee

working with accts department leh, i scared later bombard me with accts stuff i really duno de wor

6/hr only la but i feel very happy suddenly i really hate the idea of looking for jobs liao its making me lose my patience n temper

now got 1 prob. i dun have office clothes leh. how ar. sian.

btw thanks to all who are helping me look for jobs. really appreciated it.

I think its gonna be a long post today, well see how first.
alot of thoughts on my mind, wanted to pen em down in tt book but after writing 2 lines, locked it back, just not in e mood to write, maybe typing wld be a better alternative. (since the keys ain't yellow and won't drop off any moment, if u get what i mean, haa)

went dennis wee to help patrick today.. he comforted me saying im his PA and others are telemarketers.. well dun really have diff just that i can slack, got a lunch treat and i am helpin for a fren! so its not per hr de hor.. im still in search for a jobbbb.. geri, see, u abandon me... now fool's gg to laugh at me.. monday i meeting her still jobless.. (eh? give myself 1 more chance, still got tmr.. ain't i positive?) actually the job's pretty boring for the fact that i hate doing cold calls ever since u know when.. and most owners ain't interested in selling their unit at all.. but then again if i manage to find a potential seller and everything goes well, i may get a small bonus wor.. haha thats besides the point. the other reason i went to toa payoh (wow it has been ages since i last went there and last sat on such a long journey bus... u know what long journeys do to me right.. it sets that brain of mine thinking always.. gd or bad? i duno) was that i want to keep myself bz and numb those feelings of mine.. so maybe thats why i cudnt really do a great job today either.. not when u aint in the best of moods..

tell u a secret.
e 3rd small reason why i went for the dennis wee thing. deep in my heart i held on to the 0.000000001% possibility of seeing lamer there. yes i know thats very silly. laugh ba. haha.

i duno how i am feeling all e time.. is it true that females' feelings fluctuate always? or is it just me? i wonder. but geri is right, nothing can be the same ever again, believe that - cos its true. why does she bring me good and bad memories equally? becos of the impact she has on me, my life has totally been affected by her. i realize that even though everytime i try to say aiya now i dun care liao its over for so long liao but actually i still care alot abt it n that the smallest gesture by her will brighten/spoil my day. i duno how's everything between us cos the feeling changes everyday and i duno how long this will last, dun ask me. and dun ask me for updates cos i duno and dun wish to be reminded. thanks.

another thing. haix my sis's bf emphasized to me on several occasions that i have to plan for my future. PLAN. short but tough 4 alphabets. P-L-A-N. how to plan? what exactly am i going to do with that chemistry degree? flipping through classifieds and not seeing the word BSc Chem appear is not helping at all.. in fact its making me scared, i feel fearful towards my very own future. dun think that i still got 2 years to think.. cos the things that u are going to do now are the things that will help u reach ur ultimate goal. we all need sth to work towards to. not merely meeting stupid and meaningless deadlines. lame! i think that rushing assignments every other week hold practically no meaning at all when u dun have a love for the thing that u r doing, or maybe u dun even know what u are doing that for. ok, many ppl says a plan has to emcompass sth u love, sth u have a passion for. BUT more often than not, reality is that pragmatism overpowers passion. ok my sis always tell me, u have a passion in XXX is it? i give u $500 every mth as salary lor, u will take it or not?? ya enough said. of cos its good to find sth u like yet has good prospects but maybe having the best of both worlds just ain't the easiest thing in the world. haha. i need to plan. that big word. sometimes i really duno what is it that im looking for in my career. my whole family is into the biz line, yet im on the geeky sci route, have i lost my way..? (like what geek says it haha) true, my dream job is one that is in shenton way. i've always liked the idea of biz women dressing up smartly in their coat or whatever, heels, briefcase etc etc basically i like the idea of a nu qiang ren.. :) though it seems so superficial but yupp i still like that idea. hahaha wat abt in lab coat? ehh not sth i really wanted. who knows? maybe i can use my chem knowledge to set up a company! then i will be going the biz route. yeah whoooo knooooows? i wanna reach the stage whereby if i own a company, i can use other ppl's money to build my biz and the company can fn with or without my presence. haha, i wish to be a successful biz women one day! hahahaha i am fantasizing now! hahahahhahaha

fool, i also bought the canon green calculator leh, haha what a coincidence. and btw i ate the bugis street ipoh hor fun for 2 consecutive days!! yummy~~~ thinking abt it makes me drooool wahahaa if u go bugis, must try k! 3 bucks only!! and theres only 1 in sg, no kidding wor. 4get to let geri try that day end up eating such a starchy meal zzzz hahaha

meeting botak for escape this sat!!! i m very very excited!!! i m really in the mood for such stuff, its just the time!! lets get ready to scream our hearts out!!!!

meeting hm to jog this sun!! time for fats burning..
i want to go swimming, waiting for fool to finish her exams. wah lao, geri is progressing soooo fast. gd job botak!! wait a while for me!!

anyway reach the end liao become more n more random.. now suddenly got a chain of activities to do liaos.. hahah. 4 days stretch of fun activities will be tiring. can't wait to meet everyone of u. seems like i have been meeting botak the most lately. lol, u know, we tryin to take revenge for the zero times that we meet up during the 4 mths semester. HAHAHA. terrible. look, thats wat life we had in uni.





u know u can't live without somebody in ur life when that person's on ur mind almost every hour every other day. i sound like i am a les i think but of cos i am not laa. haa. its just i treasure certain frenships too much. there are times when u feel like u are about to give up, but upon thinking back on the common happy past that u all shared, u feel like holding it tightly again. maybe that's what life is all about.


during the times when we treasure frenship, especially for ppl at our age, also dun 4get to treasure our family members. at this moment in time, i still strongly believe that in times of disaster, ur family will nv ever leave u behind. they are the ones who will stand by u in spite of everything. their love for us is incomparable.

to all my family and friends out there, i really LOVE all of u!!!!


what a long post and if u survive till reading here, i must say u really have gd stamina.

still havent found a job.. :(

sian, tml got another interview.. at maxwell sia.. so far, quite lazy but hopefully can get a job fast i just cant stand spending $ only.. havent really go on a shopping spree, fool, i wait for u la.. haha hope ur exams faster over.. :)

geri came my hse today supposedly going for job hunting interview n wat nots.. but we look at classifieds called so many of them, out of which like almost all is perm one lor.. siannzzzz.. only emailed 2 and tts it. at this rate, how are we going to work???? so we ended up nua-ing tgt the whole time.. zzzzzzzz and worst of it all ate soo much for lunch la! i eat 2 chic wings and 1 drumlet, she ate 2 wings and 2 drumlets.. HAHAHA.. got photo somemore.. finished a $8 salted fish fried rice lor.. wah laoooooooo so OD laaaaaaa........

duno why these days v easily sleepy.. sleep sleep and sleep......

and oh, did i mention we were looking at our silly photos again...............HAHAHA

wah its early now like 7:11 am.. cannot sleep like since 0630 when i actually slept like 1 plus last night.. wah lao, study also nv wake up so fast.. u know, i really think i have done the silliest dumbest craziest stupidest n most unforgivable thing in my life!!!! but at this moment in time i still can't confirm.. i need to confirm at 9am.. and thats almost 2 hrs from now.... I JUST THINK THAT I AM SO HELL DUMB!




u really wldn't want to know what happened. so dun bother to ask me.


just pray hard that it didnt happen in the first place.


but its really unforgivably stupid. ARGGGGGH.

如果.....


靠人 人跑
靠山 山倒
靠我 最好!!

haha jus sth random and being lame
i m already beginning to be so bored liao
so fast


just a short update today.. very tired.

went with botak to bugis (poor her went there 3 days liao.. hahaha) watch SPIDERMAN!!!
very nice!! but poor her is sooooo cold that she has to use my bag cum her bag to cover.. hahaha but the show very nice! i like~~~

then tell u all this embarrassing encounter (always with this girl bound to have embarrassing incident one lor) ........

here goes......


she sneezing or sth ma.. then i put my arms ard her shoulders lamely and ask sth like "wat happened to u my dear......" wah lao then guess wat! the guy in front of us turned behind and looked like us giving us the OMG face la!!! wah lao total embarrassment........! hhahahaha. ma chiam les lor. super zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. haha.


anyway, both of us were very tired today. din go shop also. BUT saw this very nice shoes!!!! very nice wor.. imho la.. but smallest is 36!!! SIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im still in search of very nice covered shoes............... sIAN. not just that and also bags and clothes and slippers and shoes and ya u name it. hehe.

that was the last time i took that smile of hers haha, move on lamer neo.

alice, e lamer
21 years
S'porean by birth, nus chemist by choice, Christian by grace
Loves God, family and friends



geri
shuang
hanmei
xinyi
ken teow
soon huat
cousin eric
mich
yuk
yeeyun
yuhan
ken lim
jess
shing!
yixin





smooth, happy days ahead
gd results
to learn swimming
cooking!
stronger faith


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